It is a beautiful autumn day, probably the first day of the season to remind me of autumns of my childhood. My favorite season: an end to the heat that I do not tolerate well, which I really felt as a child living in desert Las Vegas and having no a/c in steamy New England. My birthday, Halloween, prelude to Thanksgiving and Christmas. And I am happy today because I am planning to meet my mom for lunch. I do not get to see her very much since she started helping with the care of niece Grace. And I'm to see my family Sunday for Grace's birthday (and I think they will celebrate mine, too! even though mine is 4 days later).
I'm not feeling well. I've been doing too much, trying to work out things like selling household items and bartering services etc. to help deal with our ongoing financial crisis. I have so much debt on my credit cards, mostly because Don's mom passed away before she wrote down her wish to have all of the emergency health and other expenses I paid for Don in the past to be paid for by her. Don's problem with a Social Security error taking a huge chunk of his wages away that started in June meant that we are challenged every month for paying for things like food. So it's been hard and I've really been trying to work the problem. But my body has crashed out on me. The hand of lupus had me wondering yesterday, when I could not walk up the sidewalk that was on a very slight incline, how long I was going to be around and if I would see my next birthday if some miracle did not occur and take this financial mess away from me.
The phone rang last night but I could not answer it as I was only partially conscious. It was early evening but lately I have been falling into bed exhausted and falling asleep with things I was doing such as computing or reading or paperwork still in my hands. I only dimly heard a ring and thought it was part of a dream.
Today I picked up the phone message. It was from a friend who belongs to my local rheumatic diseases group. A good friend of ours has passed away. I'm going to miss her, a lot.
This is the fifth person that I knew who has died this year. I'm not all that old yet, and it's unusual still for me to have even one death in my life. But![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif)
dburr 's mom, my sister's husband's mom, Richie, Randy , and now Tara have all passed on.. This isn't the memorial post Tara or any of them deserve because I am still in shock.
I had to get an email about Tara out right away so here is that, at least:
Dear friends,
I picked up a phone message from Merry this morning letting me know that Tara has passed away.
I check in with her MySpace site every couple of weeks or so, as I'm still
trying to figure out how to fix a bug in how I receive feeds from MySpace. After I got Merry's message I went to the site and saw this message:
"To all of Tara's Friends: Thanks for your messages of love and encouragement.
Tara left us on October 2 and is now pain free. All your comments have given us hope that one day there will be better treatment and less pain for other lupies. Thanks for being Tara's friend and for all your kindnesses.
Sincerely,
Tara's Mom & Dad"
For any of you who do not know, Tara developed a serious lung disorder called pulmonary arterial hypertension . She was one of our most active group members but moved away from Santa Maria to move closer to her medical team in Los Angeles. She was one of the walkers in the Atascadero lupus walk last year, the only one of our local group to do this.
She was a wonderful person. Talented, intelligent, giving. I remember when my legally blind partner Don had no way to get to his commuter bus for some time after I had a bad flare...she came over in the morning and took him herself. We rheumatic
patients often are at our worst in the morning. She did this in time for Don to get the last
bus which leaves at 6:30 am.
She brought handmade jewelry to the group one day. I will wear my lovely purple
earrings in her honor, when I am able to stop crying.
She was young and I was hoping and praying she had her whole life ahead of her.
But her diagnosis was a bad one. I've only met two other people who had pulmonary
hypertension and both died of the disease. One was not a rheumatic disease
patient. The other, I believe, was the first lupus patient to have a lung transplant.
Tara touched the world with her website. She clearly had more friends than I will ever have, despite having been on earth for far less time. She had that kind of loving and giving spirit which everyone she met could appreciate.
I would like to set up some kind of memorial fund for research in her memory if
no one else has done so. If you are interested in this, let me know. Also I'm asking
around to see if there is an address where her husband and local family have asked people to use for condolences.
love
Pam
Well. Catching my breath. Need to go take more prednisone now, and have a good cry. I still plan to meet mom for lunch and to enjoy the outing because we have to grab the good moments when they do show up.
I'm not feeling well. I've been doing too much, trying to work out things like selling household items and bartering services etc. to help deal with our ongoing financial crisis. I have so much debt on my credit cards, mostly because Don's mom passed away before she wrote down her wish to have all of the emergency health and other expenses I paid for Don in the past to be paid for by her. Don's problem with a Social Security error taking a huge chunk of his wages away that started in June meant that we are challenged every month for paying for things like food. So it's been hard and I've really been trying to work the problem. But my body has crashed out on me. The hand of lupus had me wondering yesterday, when I could not walk up the sidewalk that was on a very slight incline, how long I was going to be around and if I would see my next birthday if some miracle did not occur and take this financial mess away from me.
The phone rang last night but I could not answer it as I was only partially conscious. It was early evening but lately I have been falling into bed exhausted and falling asleep with things I was doing such as computing or reading or paperwork still in my hands. I only dimly heard a ring and thought it was part of a dream.
Today I picked up the phone message. It was from a friend who belongs to my local rheumatic diseases group. A good friend of ours has passed away. I'm going to miss her, a lot.
This is the fifth person that I knew who has died this year. I'm not all that old yet, and it's unusual still for me to have even one death in my life. But
dburr 's mom, my sister's husband's mom, Richie, Randy , and now Tara have all passed on.. This isn't the memorial post Tara or any of them deserve because I am still in shock.I had to get an email about Tara out right away so here is that, at least:
Dear friends,
I picked up a phone message from Merry this morning letting me know that Tara has passed away.
I check in with her MySpace site every couple of weeks or so, as I'm still
trying to figure out how to fix a bug in how I receive feeds from MySpace. After I got Merry's message I went to the site and saw this message:
"To all of Tara's Friends: Thanks for your messages of love and encouragement.
Tara left us on October 2 and is now pain free. All your comments have given us hope that one day there will be better treatment and less pain for other lupies. Thanks for being Tara's friend and for all your kindnesses.
Sincerely,
Tara's Mom & Dad"
For any of you who do not know, Tara developed a serious lung disorder called pulmonary arterial hypertension . She was one of our most active group members but moved away from Santa Maria to move closer to her medical team in Los Angeles. She was one of the walkers in the Atascadero lupus walk last year, the only one of our local group to do this.
She was a wonderful person. Talented, intelligent, giving. I remember when my legally blind partner Don had no way to get to his commuter bus for some time after I had a bad flare...she came over in the morning and took him herself. We rheumatic
patients often are at our worst in the morning. She did this in time for Don to get the last
bus which leaves at 6:30 am.
She brought handmade jewelry to the group one day. I will wear my lovely purple
earrings in her honor, when I am able to stop crying.
She was young and I was hoping and praying she had her whole life ahead of her.
But her diagnosis was a bad one. I've only met two other people who had pulmonary
hypertension and both died of the disease. One was not a rheumatic disease
patient. The other, I believe, was the first lupus patient to have a lung transplant.
Tara touched the world with her website. She clearly had more friends than I will ever have, despite having been on earth for far less time. She had that kind of loving and giving spirit which everyone she met could appreciate.
I would like to set up some kind of memorial fund for research in her memory if
no one else has done so. If you are interested in this, let me know. Also I'm asking
around to see if there is an address where her husband and local family have asked people to use for condolences.
love
Pam
Well. Catching my breath. Need to go take more prednisone now, and have a good cry. I still plan to meet mom for lunch and to enjoy the outing because we have to grab the good moments when they do show up.
thank you
Thank you
Re: Thank you