UPDATED:
Dear family and friends,
I just wanted to let you know as soon as I could that Don's mother, Hellen Burr, passed away at her home in Carpinteria, CA, yesterday (Tuesday, March 11) at 1:50 pm.
Don is completely devastated, cannot stop crying, and in need of your prayers. He is off of work on bereavement leave.
I will honestly say I'm not doing so well emotionally or physically myself. It was incredibly sad to see Hellen too ill to speak, and then to view her body after she had passed. She looks peaceful now that there is no more pain from the cancer, and there is a peaceful feeling even in the house itself, but it is still hard to accept that she is gone now that she and I were getting to know each other and becoming friends at last.
Naturally the sudden hot weather on Monday, the stress of the bereavement, and the lack of rest with all that is going on woke up my good old lupus, but I managed to get a bad cold, too. So my voice on the phone is terrible and I truly apologize if you hear me on your answering machine and I sound like a creepy stranger.
Thank you very much to those of you who sent good wishes. They are extremely comforting to Don and also to me. We will answer individually as soon as possible if we haven't already.
I'm writing now to my largest email list, and posting on my blog, because I wanted to get information out right away. We are relying on word of mouth to let people know about Hellen's passing as the newspaper announcement might not get printed in time.
Please feel free to share this information and to inform anyone whom you think would like to know about Don and his family's loss and also the services for those interested-- especially those whom you might think I don't know how to email, or who don't have (or read!) email.
Anyone who knew Hellen, or who wants to be there to support her son Don, or her boyfriend John, or her other close family members, is welcome to attend.
The services:
Monday, March 17, 10:00 am
Mass at Our Lady of Sorrows Catholic Church
21 East Sola Street
Santa Barbara, CA
followed by burial at
Calvary Cemetery
199 N. Hope Ave.
Santa Barbara, CA
followed by a reception back at Our Lady of Sorrows Church.
To those who asked about flowers/condolence cards/etc. :
Anything for the funeral itself should be sent to the mortuary, which is McDermott-Crockett Mortuary, 2936 De La Vina St., Santa Barbara, CA, 93105, (805) 569-2424.
Anything for Donald should be sent to our address (ask me if you want it) and we should be home for good by March 18.
Anything for Hellen's partner John Campbell should be sent to where he and Hellen lived together in Carpinteria; let me know if you want that address sent to you. This is also where people who want to pray with the family should go. The Korean-style family altar is there and so are Hellen's brothers and her sister-in-law, who were helping with her home care while she was incapacitated.
On another subject, some of you kindly offered to help us with any problems we are having...
One of these is that we can't go back and forth from the city where Hellen lived to our home, as Don needs to be here to see family and I am his transportation. Also, my car is not running that well and it is quite a long drive round-trip from here (and let's not even talk about the gas prices).
But our pet hermit crabs need water every other day now, as our place is very warm with all the windows shut. And they might even need food before we go home because now that it is suddenly warmer weather they are very active and eating about three times as much as they did just 10 days ago when it was cold. (They do not like cold weather and probably blame me for it, but that's another story!)
We had to rush home yesterday afternoon, even though we were in an emotional state after just learning of Hellen's death and viewing her body, to get Don some dark clothing for a special prayer vigil held last night (we were only one minute late for it--a miracle considering the driving needed and the short time to do it in). So I gave the crabs water yesterday. But they will need attention on Thursday (tomorrow), and I need someone to help me with that.
Because the local motels here are sold out on Saturday night, we are thinking we might go home Saturday afternoon, and come back Sunday afternoon (if and only if we can somehow come up with the $ to stay here Sunday night...) so we are not rushed Monday am. Then I could do crab care Saturday morning and Monday night.
If anyone can help with tomorrow's crab rescue please tell me. Don adores them as if they were children and so we just can't have a pet die right now...
Oh btw, the info about Don's immediate family situation--Don has now lost both parents, and has no siblings.
I'm sorry if exhaustion has made me incoherent. I've actually had a lot to do and little sleep. Even today I need to find Don a black Rosary (his blue one may be too bright for the funeral Mass), clean his one dark suit and dress shirt that were previously altered to fit him (so this is the one and only choice as he really NEEDS alterations always), come up with $ to pay for and to obtain a replacement large computer monitor for him as his just died last night and he needs it to do much of anything due to his visual impairment, get him some prescription meds for sleeping pills, meet again with his family and try to learn some of their Korean manners and customs in a hurry, make sure Don eats something somewhere at regular intervals, find out how to move everything we have here in this motel room since we do not have our suitcases with us...I won't go on and on but I just wanted you to know why I've been out of touch sometimes.
But I check my mail and phone messages regularly even if I have to do so late at night or early in the morning.
Much love and hope you are doing well...will catch up with you all asap
Pam
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